The South

D'South

Wheather your a redneck, hillbilly, hick or rebel
You just might relate to this page.
The Definition of a Redneck is Lack of Sophistication.

THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A REDNECK SAY
Alex, I'll take Shakespeare for 1,000.
Duct tape won't fix that.
No kids in the back of the pickup, its not safe.
We're vegetarians.
I'll have a bagel instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?
Spitting is such a nasty habit.
I just couldn't find a thing at the dollar store today.
The tires on that truck are too big.
I've got it on a floppy disk.
These snack cakes have too many fat grams
Checkmate

Redneck Computer Lingo

"Hard drive" -- Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
"Keyboard" ---- Place to hang your truck keys.
"Window" ------ Place in the truck to hang your guns.
"Floppy" ------ When you run out of Polygrip.
"Modem" ------- How you got rid of your dandelions.
"ROM" --------- Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
"Byte" -------- First word in a kiss-off phrase.
"Reboot" ------ What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
"Network" ----- Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
"Mouse" ------- Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
"LAN" -------- To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yer truck."
"Cursor" ------ What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend. "bit" --------- A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
"digital control" -- What Yer fingers do on the TV remote.
"packet" ------ What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.

Redneck Driving Etiquette

1.Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

2.When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

3.Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.

4.When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

5.Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

6.Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.

7.Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

You Might Be From Alabama If

Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
You've ever had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
Stores don't have bags; they have pokes.
They don't have shopping carts; they have buggies.
You've seen people wear bib overalls at funerals.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: Where's my coat at?
You install security lights on your house and garage and Leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
Stores are called grocery stores; not supermarkets.
You have a bumper sticker that says if Wal-Mart dont have it you dont want it.
You know askin for a pop will get you slaped up side the head.
You drop the last letter off all your words while speakin example: talking is talkin
You at one time eat poke salad
You keep your sentence short example: Jever = did you ever
Other people in Alabama make fun of the way you talk
You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all of your Alabama friends


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