More D'South

Educatin Northerners
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the differences in lifestyles:

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes,
The South has 'mater samiches.

The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.

The North has Ted Kennedy,
The South has Jesse Helms.

The North has an ambulance,
The South has an amulance.

The North has Indy car races,
The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has Grits.

The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters,
The South has crawdads.

The North has the Rust Belt,
The South has the Bible Belt.

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.... Don't buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

You may hear a Southerner say "Ought!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Y'all ought not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

When you come up on a person driving 15 mph d own the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere, and that is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim. In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:

If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Have a good day! Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song fore you know it.

How To Annoy A Yankee

1. Refer to EVERY soft drink as a Coke
2. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell them Delta is ready when they are.
3. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.
4. Take your own sweet time
5. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus!
6. Offer to send up a bottle of fresh air.
7. Talk loudly and often about SEC football and ACC basketball
8. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle name. ( For example: Lisa Marie - John Michael - Jim Bob )
9. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War" Always interject that "there weren't nothing Civil about it."
10. Address all males as "son" and women as "little lady."
11. Everyone you see eating Yankee Food like cream of wheat or clam chowder say "yoo weeee!! That ain't fit to eat!"
12. Tell em we use to have a lot of prostitutes in the south but the Yankees came down and married them all.

Southern Sayins

"His face is so dirty, his eyes look like two fried eggs in a mudhole."
"Boy, I'm gonna stomp a mudhole in you and walk it dry."
"I've got more flies in this house than Carter's got pills"
"I aint seen bubba in a coon's age"
"Full as a tick on a fat dog's head"
"Older than dirt"
"Dumber than dirt"
"Busy as a bessie bug"
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"That fog is so thick I could cut it with a knife"
"Cat got yer tongue?"
"That apple didnt fall far from the tree"
"Well cut my legs and call me shorty"
"Your lying and the truth ain't in ya"
"He was so ugly that he made a freight train take a dirt road."
"He Was Green As A Gourd."
"Im gonna slap a knot on your head so big it will take a gnat a year to fly around it."
"He was so cross eyed, he could stand on the front poarch and see the chickens in the backyard."
"Cocky as a banny rooster."
"Want in one hand and sh*t in the other and see which one gets fuller the fastest."
"Im gonna slap somthin on ya A-Jax wont take off."
"Dont just sit there like a fence post say somthin."
"You aint just whistlin dixie."
"There about alike as three peas in a pod."
"Your head is as empty as a post hole."


Id like to thank
Cracker Lady for this beautiful mug.
Click on the mug to visit her site

You Might Be A Country Gal

You know that the car was NOT REALLY out of gas.

You've tried a chaw of Red Man.

You bait your own hook.

You have a garden spot.

You cant park your car in the garage because your husband lawn mower is there.

You've gotten a jar of Bag Balm as a gift.

You love country ham.

You know what red-eye gravy is.

You know how to make cracklin cornbread.

You got season tickets to the annual tractor pull.

You know what a pole cat is.

Your boyfriend's truck is a chevy.

You by donut holes.

Your husband's lawn mower has John Deere on it.

You've been on a hay ride.

You've been to a hoe down.

You've eaten poke greens.

You know what mountain oysters are.

You have been snipe hunting.

You know what a chrun is and how it works.

You've gone skinny-dipping in a creek.

You ever used a corn cob.

You know what a outhouse is and have used one

You know difference between red and white corn cobs.

You have rode in a wagon.

You know the difference between a cow and a bull.

You think that a farm smells good.

You've planted flowers in an old tractor tire.

You know that caviar is really just fish eggs.

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